10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom
and stop and check your e-mail
on the way back to bed.
9. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best
viewed with Netscape Internet
Explorer 3.0 or higher."
8. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
7. You turn off your modem and get this awful
empty feeling, like you just pulled
the plug on a loved one.
6. You spend half of the plane trip with your
laptop on your lap...and your child
in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional
year or two, just for the free
Internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
3. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
2. The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
1. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged
in for two hours. You start to twitch.
You pick up the phone and manually dial your
ISP's access number. You try to hum
to communicate with the modem. You succeed.
You Know You Are Addicted To The Internet When...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
You spend half of the plane trip with your
laptop on your lap...and your child in the
overhead compartment.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting
a faster connection to the net: 28.8...
ISDN... cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly
each time you see a new WWW site address
in print or on TV, even though you've never
had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that
your parents have moved and you don't have
a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's
links, you notice all of them are already
highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos...
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You realize there is not a sound in the house
and you have no idea where your children
are.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You refer to your age as 3.x.
You have comandeered your teenager's phone
line for the net and even his friends know
not to call on his line anymore.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
Even though you died last week, you've managed
to retain OPS on your favorite IRC
channel.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest
friends, because they have neutral
nicknames and you never bothered to ask ..
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at: http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer
because "Daddy's got work to do"
and you don't even have a job.
Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
You never have to deal with busy signals when
calling your ISP...
because you never log off.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to
replace the chair in front of your computer
with a toilet.
You forget what year it is.You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
You leave the modem speaker on after connecting
because you think it sounds like the
ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing
the net".
You begin to wonder how on earth your service
provider is allowed to call 200 hours per
month "unlimited."
You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
Your wife says communication is important in
a marriage...so you buy another computer
and install a second phone line so the two
of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on
a mountain road, your first instinct is to
search for the "back" button.
You know everyone else is an Internet addict when ...
Tree barks are carved with james@arctic_circle.com loves jane@antarctica.com.
You hear tarzan shouting EEEE-EEEE-EEEE-EEEE-ORRRR-ORRRR-ORRR.
Internet malls totally take over shopping malls.
Pagers are designed to accept the tilde and @ characters.
Computer systems come free with Internet accounts.
The lead story in the papers is 'Minor Bug
In Netscape Fixed' while 'First Black President
Elected To The White House' gets page 9 because
the lead story is 8 pages long with no ads.
And you know you are an Internet addict when ...
The four words that bring you the most joy are: "You have new mail"
Your wife emails you to tell you dinner is
ready ...
and you send a reply telling her to FTP it
to you.
You try to bookmark your favourite TV show,
then realise you can't do it, before realising
you don't watch TV anymore.
You email your dog to fetch the papers.
Your ISP awards you with a 'Best Customer Award'.
You are awarded with ISO 9001 certification.
You have to check your ID to remember your real name.
Your dreams ask if your brain is frame-enabled before loading.
You hook an IV to yourself so you don't need to go to the kitchen.
You've forgotten how to speak.
All your household appliances are fitted with
keyboards and mice.